BEAUTY COMES FROM SELF-ACCEPTANCE | CRMSNCHRYSNTHS

"The only person with whom you have to compare yourself is you in the past.

This issue has been around since the beginning of time. And honestly, I am one of those young people who were affected by it.
Pointed nose, bright eyes, slim body figure with nice boobs and ass, perfect skin - those are the standard of beauty all women should have. But we are all human with different race, different skin types and different perspectives. How come should a person - all person - would be considered pretty if there is a certain standard that one must fit in if we are all different?

When I was younger, people will compliment my height because I was above average than normal kid's height in Filipinos. They say that I should be a model when I grow up. But when I started to be a pre-teen (ages 8-12), people will criticize my height and will make fun of it. They say that I have big feet (which I do not have. My feet just compliments my height). And because I was not mold in a good environment, I couldn't care less anymore. I did not take care of myself and just go with whatever happens. And because of that, I did have a bad hygiene. 

I can say that people should grow up with a healthy family to be able to develop properly. But I was not surrounded with good adults. I am not saying that I came from a broken family but there was a certain things that a child will never forget.

I was emotionally abused because of the way I look - because of my height. I perform well in school and the teachers loved me but some kids will bully me saying I am a kapre ( a Filipino Mythical Creature that is so tall and scary and ugly) and that I smell bad. Not only in school I heard such words. Even in home - a place where I thought everyone should belong.

And because of that, the strong confidence I had with myself slowly fades away.

I started to become an emo at the age of 10. I listen to sad songs and that what makes me feel more sad.
I was 12 when I first use an eyeliner and I was addicted.

My first eyeliner

Learning to put on eyeliner makes me feel like I am an official emo. So, the only thing that lacks is my hair color. I dyed it red without bleaching so my natural hair color still stands out and it did not satisfies me. I dyed it multiple times just to make it really red but I did not achieved it. It just burned my scalp and dried out my hair.

I am sad.


I spend a lot of times under the sun playing without sun protection and that damaged my skin. But I did not care because I thought, "I looked ugly anyways".


But then, some of my family members will still give compliments to me. That my height is beautiful and that I should be a model someday.
Hearing those compliments makes me want to try and be pretty but I don't know what to do.

The only thing I thought that a person can be pretty if that person undergoes into surgeries and plastics. Yes, I was thinking that thought at an early age. And that makes me depressed. I will just shook my head and say, nevermind. I'm going to die soon anyways.


I don't really like the way I looked so if someone compliments me, I will treasure them. I feel loved if someone will tell me how pretty I am. And being young and naive, I will always go crazy and have the thoughts I am lucky I am pretty. No one will like me if I look ugly.

To make the long story short, I depend on other people on the way I see myself. Even if it is a joke that I look horrible, I will get sad and feel miserable. Yes, I cry to my sleep just because I feel ugly and worthless. How can a young lady live in a world full of ugly souls?

At the age of 15-16, I let my hair get dyed and bleached. From pink to orange, to blue to green, to faded dark ashe blonde. I feel pretty that time because I thought I was different. But people will still say, "That color doesn't suits you,"

I started to learn makeup at the age of 16. Those were the times that I thought I could only look good if I have makeup on and slowly rejects the idea of plastic surgeries. But then again, using makeup as a medium to cover-up an insecurities is just wrong in so many ways instead of using it as a form of art. It can just make a person feel more depressed.

Because people will always have a thing to say.

"Oh your eyebrows look horrible"
"You look ugly when you laugh"
"You look like someone just punched you with that eyeshadow you are wearing"

Imagine, the only weapon you have to face the world - to at least make you feel beautiful and confident - criticizes it, how would you feel?

A lot of things happened that made me who I am right now. An average young girl, 5'3 and a half with a size 8 foot.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is not a joke. People will think that a person who has that is just being vain and an attention-seeker. Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance  - a flaw that to others is just minor or unnoticeable. Having this will also make you have both Depression and Anxiety.


Currently I am turning 18. I still have a lot of things to learn. But I did learn a lot. In the past few years, I've managed to find out what is wrong. And that is not the way I look. That is the way I live.

1. STAY OUT OF NEGATIVITY

When you can't literally get out of it (because you are surrounded with it), take a deep breath and have time for yourself. Relax, detox, and meditate.

2. TAKE CARE OF YOUR SKIN

It is not vain. It is essential. Instead of investing on makeups and coverups and lie to yourself that, I will only use this just for fun, invest on good skin care products. Taking care of something means you love it. Loving your skin means you love yourself.

3. ALWAYS SMILE

Do not be too hard. Laugh often even if people find you ugly when you laugh. Ignore them. They have an ugly soul, you have a healthy heart, which sounds more good?
I know we are all superficial and looks will affect everything but smiling often and spreading good vibes will give you a radiant and glowing look.

4. LOVE

A person who loves is the most beautiful person on earth. It is the most effective beautifyer. Trust me on this.

5. HAVE A BALANCED LIFESTYLE

Have time for yourself and do exercise and a healthy diet. You know this for sure but this is the key: STOP PROCRASTINATING. Be dedicated in something you do. Have goals. Have a time to bond with your family and friends.


Accept yourself. Learn from the past. Move up and keep your feet on the ground. Thank the Almighty Lord for everything. Your knowledge empowers you. Do not just focus on your outside appearance. Always, always check your heart.

I know it is hard. I've been there and I am still young and expecting a lot of things that will soon happen. But there are still opportunities and chances to take. Do not live to please other people, it is hard because you wanted to feel loved. But remember, your family loves you. Show something. Return something. Give it up all to the Lord. Even if you do not believe such thing exists, it will not hurt you to just trust in Him when you can't trust yourself.

PS. SPREAD LOVE!

♡

xoxo
crmsnchrysnths